On January 8th, I went on what seems like my thirtieth Tinder date. Like the preceding 29 other dates, we met up at a bar for a few quick drinks during happy hour.
I thought the first month was going to be the hardest because it was something so different and new, but as it turns out, maintaining a relationship is hard work and it doesn’t stop after 30 days.
I have never said, “I love you” to someone that wasn’t a family member, friend, or Red Lobster employee. It’s not that I was afraid to; it’s just that I never really felt that way for someone.
Growing up as an only child was amazing. I loved not having someone to share things with. But now there are a few minor qualities I never really had to learn until I got into a relationship: to compromise.
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This month I turned 29.
I wanted to be more upset or fearful of the number, but for maybe the first time since my 21st birthday, I was actually really excited about turning one year older. I think it’s because I actually feel the age that I am. When I was 26, what I consider the big “I’m an adult, now” age, I was a mess. Drinking almost every night, no money in the bank, and nothing in my life was stagnant. Now, at 29, I have my own apartment, a “big-boy” job, and a loving and supportive relationship.
This being my first actual real relationship, I never had someone to celebrate my birthday with. Sure, I had friends and family, but I didn’t have that one person who meant the world to me, sitting beside me, singing “Happy Birthday” to me.
But this year I did. And I got so excited because: presents! And being spoiled by someone. And getting a back rub. And bagels in bed. And everything else good in the world!
But figuring out what to do for my birthday weekend was quite possibly one of the most stressful situations I have ever put myself into, when in reality, all I really wanted to do was surround myself with good food, great friends, and strong drinks. Which, as it turned out, is exactly how I spent my birthday.
After a delicious – and hilarious – birthday dinner with my friends, my boyfriend and I headed back to Staten Island for the weekend. Two cat naps, a tunnel, a bridge, and a $100 uber ride later, we arrived at his apartment where I was presented with…my presents.
Everyone secretly gets nervous about what their significant other is going to get them for their birthday. And if you are sitting there saying, “Oh, I don’t! Love and happiness is all I really need!” you’re lying to yourself. Or you’ve never been gifted a Cheese of the Month Club. Either way, I had some trepidation walking into that apartment, practicing my best Leo DiCaprio at The Oscars face.
Fortunately for the both of us, I didn’t have to pretend at all. The gifts were amazing and more than I could have ever hoped for. And just to make it clear – I was kidding earlier. I do value love and happiness way more than material items. But presents are a nice add-on.
The following night, he took me out to a very nice dinner and then stayed out until 3am with me and my friends in the East Village. I remember spotting him from across the crowded bar – him, making conversation with my friends and me, sloppily shooting my seventh shot of Fireball and I thought to myself how incredibly lucky I was. This guy, who I’ve only known for ten months, has become my favorite person.
He knows how to deal with my sarcasm (walks away), knows what makes me happy (bagels in bed) and knows how to make me feel special (every single day). But he knew how to make me feel extra special for my birthday, leaving me the happiest birthday boy in the world.
And I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I love you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a full 90 days, and in most scenarios when you are trying to get used to or adjust to something, many experts say 90 days is all it takes.
EXPLORE
Growing up as an only child was amazing. I loved not having someone to share things with. But now there are a few minor qualities I never really had to learn until I got into a relationship: to compromise.
THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY
WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR TEN MONTHS
I never thought when I started writing about my relationship that I would make it to six months. This isn’t saying that I felt my relationship was doomed from the start, but I figured I would have fucked it up by now.